He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
