I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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