she kept yelling 'call me bella'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
