wanna go halves on a baby?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
