Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
