Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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