it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
