i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
