I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
