wat bout pragnant strippers??
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize