I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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