between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
