I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
