More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
