If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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