I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
