Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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