OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
