She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
