we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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