Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
