Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
