She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
