he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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