is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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