i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
