lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
