I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
