You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sober January is a disaster.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
