Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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