I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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