He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
