So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
