It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
