Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
