Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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