paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
