I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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