I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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