I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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