do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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