So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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