like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
