So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
