we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
