dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
