the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
