Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
