I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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