He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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