Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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