if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
