I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
