The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
