she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
