Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
