i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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