she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
