So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Randomize
