That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
