Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
