Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
