I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
