I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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