can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You ruined the universe
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
