oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
