got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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