So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
