forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
