Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
