haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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