i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
